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This topic is adapted from the 2-Minute Drill YouTube channel.

Today we are going to look at Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages.” The point of this book is that everyone has one or two primary ways that they give and would like to receive love. Knowing your own love language and the love languages of those around you will improve your relationships with just about anyone.

Words of Affirmation

These are the people who like to express their love verbally. They will tell you how much they love you or how amazing they think you are. However, they don’t just like to hear all about how much you love them. Many times they gain just as much satisfaction from you telling them they are doing a good job at work, or that you love their friendliness, sense of humor, or something else about them.

Physical Touch

These people like to show love by holding hands or cuddling, really anything that requires physical contact. To show this person love try holding their hand when you are out running errands, or hug them when you see them. Outside of romantic relationships, a handshake and a clap on the shoulder or a friendly hug are great.

Acts of Service

These people show love by doing practical things for others. These are the people who will go out of their way to help you with a chore or pick up something you’ve been needing from the grocery store. Because they know the sacrifice of time and energy this requires, it means all the more to them when you go out of your way to serve them every once in a while.

Giving Gifts

These are the people who like to give gifts, whether big or small. Having this love language doesn’t mean someone is materialistic. It simply means that they like to show their love by sharing physical tokens of friendship and appreciation. It could be as simple as bringing someone a surprise cup of coffee or treating them to lunch.

Quality Time

These people like to spend meaningful and intentional time with the people they love. This can be anything from taking a walk together to having a one-on-one date night. It could also mean just sitting together intentionally for a little while or calling a friend you haven’t seen in a while.

[Related: 4 Types of Relational Connections | The Power of the Other]

[Related: How Miscommunication Happens and How to Avoid It]

The whole point of knowing the five love languages is so you can find and work with another person’s love language. That is what love is all about. It is about looking outward and preferring somebody else above you. So, take the time to figure out you and your significant other’s love languages and take the time to show them love uniquely.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. If you’ve taken Gary Chapman’s love languages test, which love languages do you have? If not, which languages do you think you have? What about your significant other?
  4. What does it look like to show love by sharing words of affirmation? Give an example either in your relationship or at another time in your life.
  5. What does it look like to show love with physical touch? Give an example either in your relationship or at another time in your life.
  6. What does it look like to show love through acts of service? Give an example either in your relationship or at another time in your life.
  7. What does it look like to show love by giving a gift? Give an example either in your relationship or at another time in your life.
  8. What does it look like to show love by sharing quality time? Give an example either in your relationship or at another time in your life.
  9. Why do you think it is so important to show people love by using their love languages?
  10. Which love language is the easiest for you to use? The hardest for you to use? Explain.
  11. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.