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Help a friend you're worried about by helping them understand the underlying reasons for abuse and the tactics an abuser uses to control them.

Topic #1


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  3. What are some stereotypes of “abusers” and “victims” that you notice in the media or in your community? What are some things you can do to change how you think about those stereotypes?
  4. How would you describe what the Honeymoon phase looks like in a typical relationship?
  5. How often, if ever, do you feel like you’re walking on egg shells in your relationship? Describe what you observe from your partner to make you feel that way. 
  6. What are some different ways people can assert power over another person that might not be clear at first? Have you experienced any of those? Explain.
  7. Have you experienced the Explosion phase in your relationship? What did you do after it happened? What might you still need to do?
  8. Why is it important to talk to people who specialize in abuse? What do you need to do to find helpful resources in your area for yourself or for a friend?
  9. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #2


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Why do you think someone wants power and control of another person? What does that say about a person’s character that they would hurt another to make themselves feel important?
  3. What experience do you have with feeling controlled by someone? How have you responded to that control?
  4. Of the 8 tactics, which one is most familiar to you or to someone you know? Were you aware that those tactics were a form of abuse?
  5. If you are now realizing that you may be in an abusive relationship, what steps do you need to take?
  6. Do you know anyone who is a survivor of abuse?  What have they done to overcome their situation?
  7. If you suspect that someone you know is being abused what can you do to help the situation and not cause the abuser to escalate?
  8. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #3


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. How have you experienced intimidation in your relationship? What has happened in the past that puts you on edge?
  3. Why is intimidation an effective tool to get what you want from someone? 
  4. If intimidation is a part of your relationship, how do you typically react to it? 
  5. How has the intimidation of your spouse affected your kids or other members of the family? How has it affected you in your role as a parent?
  6. What action steps might you need to take if you feel like your spouse is using intimidation to control you?
  7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #4


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. What are some things your spouse is critical of in you? How does that make you feel?
  3. How do you view yourself? What would co-workers or friends say about you?
  4. What are some names your spouse has called you? Do hear other men refer to their spouse in that way?
  5. Does your spouse guilt you into doing things? Explain.
  6. If you’re realizing that there is emotional abuse in your relationship, what do you need to do to get help?
  7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #5


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Name the important relationships in your life? How close are you to them presently?
  3. Have you noticed that your spouse tries to sabotage or prevent you from seeing people?
  4. Who are some people that your spouse doesn’t like you to be around? Why does he feel that way?
  5. How often do you give in to your spouse and stay home because you want to avoid a fight? 
  6. If you feel isolated, what do you need to do to re-connect with people who can help you?
  7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #6


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. How often do you feel like things are your fault? Why do you feel that way?
  3. What happens when you try to defend yourself when you’re blamed for something?
  4. Do you believe that everything is always your fault? Explain. What would a friend or family member say about that?
  5. If blaming is a part of your relationship, what steps do you need to take to get help?
  6. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #7


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Describe how you feel about yourself as a parent? What has contributed to your perspective?
  3. Describe your relationship with your kids?
  4. If you’re divorced or separated, do you notice that your spouse does things purposefully when he’s in charge to make your job harder when you get them back?
  5. Has your spouse ever threatened to take your kids from you? Explain.
  6. What do you need to do to protect your kids and yourself from these threats?
  7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #8


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. How does your spouse flaunt his masculinity? How does he respond if people question his manliness? Why do you think he reacts that way?
  3. Has your spouse ever given into your way? Does he ever apologize to you? Why do you think that is?
  4. Do you think men are superior to women in every way? Explain.
  5. Do you notice that other men in your life don’t treat women the way your spouse treats you? Explain.
  6. How would you like your spouse to treat you? What boundaries do you need to put in place for that to happen?
  7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #9


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Do you work outside the home? Explain.
  3. How do the finances work in your home? How was that decided?
  4. Do you feel the freedom to spend money on anything? Explain.
  5. Do you ever feel like your spouse tries to control you by controlling the money? Explain.
  6. What are some things you might need to consider to protect yourself financially? 
  7. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.

Topic #10


Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Describe a time you felt threatened by your spouse? What happened? What did you do?
  3. Have you ever felt forced to do something you didn’t want to do by your spouse? Explain.
  4. What boundaries might you need to put in place if you feel threatened or forced to do something?
  5. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.