We usually give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, but often deny it to others. Yet this way of thinking is toxic for relationships.
Talking Points:
- It’s hard to give others the benefit of the doubt. When we make mistakes, we let ourselves off the hook. If someone else makes a mistake, we look to assign blame. (The fundamental attribution error)
- When we don’t give the benefit of the doubt, we end up assassinating one another’s character and thinking the absolute worst about one another. We see things like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
- Using “I feel” statements helps you get to solutions instead of criticizing and blaming the other.
Discussion:
- Initial reactions to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Do you have an example of when you let yourself off the hook but really hammered someone else for doing something similar to you? What happened?
- What are some of the common excuses you use when you let yourself off the hook for a mistake?
- Why is it so hard to give your spouse a pass when they mess up? How have you hurt your spouse with hurtful words or accusations in the past? What happened?
- How can “I feel” statements help you communicate clearly and respectfully with your spouse or partner? Explain.
- How can you take the practical step of talking with your spouse or partner about the issues close to your heart?
- Is there a step you need to take based on today’s topic?
