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Love is hard to quantify, but the four main love types can be a helpful way to think about your relationship with your partner.

Key Points:

  • The idea of a soul mate is found throughout all of popular culture. Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, has studied human love through a scientific framework. She has identified four love types based on the dominance of certain brain chemicals.
  • Explorers are dominant in dopamine. They are often associated with words like adventure, spontaneity and fun. They seek a playmate in their life. They are motivated and goal-oriented. 
  • Builders are dominant in serotonin. They are often associated with words like “family,” “honesty,” and “loyalty.” They are relaxed, social, steady, and family-oriented. They are planners and like to schedule things ahead of time. 
  • Directors are dominant in testosterone. They are often associated with words like “nerd,” “ambition,” and “challenge.” They value logic and are not easily swayed by emotion. They enjoy competition and are focused and daring. 
  • Negotiators are dominant in estrogen. They are often associated with words like “kindness,” “empathy,” and “sensitivity.” They seek a soul mate in their lover. They have a vivid imagination and tend to daydream. They rely on their gut feelings. 
  • Any love match can work if the two members are mature enough to cooperate and work with each other’s similarities and differences. Relationships are about choosing each other over and over again.

Quote This:

There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved. -George Sand

See Also: DatingMarriage, Psychology

Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Do you believe in love at first sight or soul mates? Why or why not?
  3. Which love type do you most identify with and why?
  4. Which love type would you say describes your partner? What characteristics of your partner makes your love match strong and healthy? What areas are challenging?
  5. How can being aware of the love types help you overcome your differences?
  6. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.