Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more

Are you tired of having the same old fights about money? Discover how these three tips can help you to have a productive conversation.

Key Points:

  • Conversations about money aren’t really about money at all. They are actually about differences in values, issues of power, or issues of trust.
  • Write down and share your list of values underlying your purchases with each other.
  • Issues of power are about trust and transparency.
  • Make sure there is a mutual understanding of where your money is going.
  • Breaking spending agreements or spending without the other’s knowledge is a form of betrayal.
  • Have a conversation about any acts of financial betrayal in your relationship, whether they are large or small.
  • As you dig into your finances, be prepared to listen to each other’s values to create a mutually agreeable budget.

Quote This:

Consumer debt fuels a sense of financial unease among couples, and increases the likelihood that they will fight over money matters; moreover, this financial unease casts a pall over marriages in general, raising the likelihood that couples will argue over issues other than money and decreasing the time they spend with one another. –Jeffrey Dew

See Also: Budgeting, Marriage

Talk About It
  1. What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
  2. Have you ever had a fight about money/a financial breach of trust with your spouse? What happened?
  3. What role does each person have in terms of finances in your marriage? Does one person have a greater role in bookkeeping or paying bills?
  4. Do you think your conversations about money are really about money? What do you think you and your spouse are actually talking about when the topic of money comes up?
  5. How do your choices about spending compare or contrast with your spouse’s choices?
  6. List a spending choice that differs from your spouse’s. What values underlie that choice? Are there more cost-effective ways to incorporate these values into your life?
  7. How do you make sure each partner has access to all financial information? Is there a way you could improve this access to financial information?
  8. Do you and your partner have a budget? How could you improve your budgeting process?
  9. How do you think talk about money mirrors other aspects of your relationship?
  10. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
This topic is adapted from the Monika Hoyt YouTube channel.