Watch the video above and talk about it with a group or mentor. Learn more
Are you tired of having the same old fights about money? Discover how these three tips can help you to have a productive conversation.
- Conversations about money aren’t really about money at all. They are actually about differences in values, issues of power, or issues of trust.
- Write down and share your list of values underlying your purchases with each other.
- Issues of power are about trust and transparency.
- Make sure there is a mutual understanding of where your money is going.
- Breaking spending agreements or spending without the other’s knowledge is a form of betrayal.
- Have a conversation about any acts of financial betrayal in your relationship, whether they are large or small.
- As you dig into your finances, be prepared to listen to each other’s values to create a mutually agreeable budget.
Consumer debt fuels a sense of financial unease among couples, and increases the likelihood that they will fight over money matters; moreover, this financial unease casts a pall over marriages in general, raising the likelihood that couples will argue over issues other than money and decreasing the time they spend with one another. –Jeffrey Dew
See Also: Budgeting, Marriage
Talk About It
- What is your initial reaction to this topic? What jumped out at you?
- Have you ever had a fight about money/a financial breach of trust with your spouse? What happened?
- What role does each person have in terms of finances in your marriage? Does one person have a greater role in bookkeeping or paying bills?
- Do you think your conversations about money are really about money? What do you think you and your spouse are actually talking about when the topic of money comes up?
- How do your choices about spending compare or contrast with your spouse’s choices?
- List a spending choice that differs from your spouse’s. What values underlie that choice? Are there more cost-effective ways to incorporate these values into your life?
- How do you make sure each partner has access to all financial information? Is there a way you could improve this access to financial information?
- Do you and your partner have a budget? How could you improve your budgeting process?
- How do you think talk about money mirrors other aspects of your relationship?
- Write a personal action step based on this conversation.
This topic is adapted from the Monika Hoyt YouTube channel.