Jump to Questions

This topic is adapted from the FLEXTALK YouTube channel.

Modesty is all about being aware of the way you present yourself. It takes many different forms and isn’t just dependent on the clothing you wear.

[Related: Differences between Guy and Girl Friendships]

Type #1: The Way You Dress

This is the most obvious area where you should be modest. If you are dressing in a way that makes those around you uncomfortable, then you probably need to reevaluate your outfit. A good way to tell if your outfit is immodest is to imagine it on your mom or grandma. It may seem silly, but if you would be grossed out to see it on them, then there is probably a reason for that.

Type #2: The Pictures You Post

Whatever you post on the internet, stays on the internet for everyone to see. At some point in your life you will be applying for jobs and one of the first things employers will do is search for you on social media. If they see pictures that are immodest they will see you as unprofessional. This could make it really hard for you to find a good job.

Type #3: The Way You Talk

This includes things like cursing, crude jokes, and even gossip. If you are talking down on others and even yourself it can present you as immodest. It will make people see you as less than you really are. It can cause them to lose respect for you and feel that it’s appropriate to talk bad about you as well. Be aware of the things you say and don’t say things that can tear you or others down.

Type #4: Who You Hang Out With

If you hang around people who are immodest in how they dress, act, and talk, then you will most likely become that way. People will see you the same way they see your friends, even if you aren’t like them. Take time to evaluate why you spend time with people who are immodest. Is it because you want to be like them?

Type #5: How You Date

In order to be modest in this area you need to set boundaries in your relationships. You should know what you are willing to do and not do when it comes to your relationship. This is something that you should always be talking about with the person you are dating. This also means you should be aware of how you present yourself and your relationship in public. If you and your boyfriend are constantly kissing and making out in public, then people will think you are doing even more behind closed doors.

Type #6: Attitudinal Modesty

This has to do with being a good example to your peers and those that are younger than you. You should have enough confidence in yourself to know that you don’t have to dress or act immodestly to be accepted. You can be yourself.

Being modest is more than just the way you dress. Take some time to think about how you present yourself on social media, how you speak, the people you hang out with, how you act in your relationship, and how you act. Are you being immodest in any of these areas? If you are, it might be time to rethink some things.

[Related: Sisters Before Misters (Students)]

Discussion Questions:

  1. Watch the video together or invite someone to summarize the topic.
  2. What is your initial reaction to this video? Do you disagree with any of it? What jumped out at you?
  3. Look at the six types of modesty above. Which one is the hardest for you? Explain.
  4. Who is more raunchy in their speech: girls or guys? How can gossip be raunchy?
  5. How can your social circle make you immodest – or at least seem immodest?
  6. Can a person date and still be modest? Do most girls think about boundaries when they’re dating? What about guys?
  7. Explain “attitudinal modesty.” On a scale of 1-10, how modest are you in your attitude?
  8. Write a personal action step based on this conversation.